Lapland New Forest

You have to feel for the average British family before Christmas. It's cold, Christmas is still a long and very expensive way away, and if you have kids, they're probably screaming in your ear that they want to see Santa. Santa, of course, lives in Lapland which, even with the advent of Ryanair, is an expensive place to visit.

A clever businessman came up with the perfect solution. Let's bring Santa to the south coast of England. Let's hire a snow machine, build a few log cabins in the forest, get some huskies, reindeer and a fat bloke in a Santa suit, hey presto. You've got yourself a Lapland within easy driving distance of just about anywhere in Southern England.

The website makes it look, well, awesome. Check it out:

http://www.laplandnewforest.co.uk/

Undoubtably, the first thing you would have noticed is the notice from the director of Lapland New Forest Limited to say that he has had to close the Childrens entertainment theme park down. How can this happen? This place has Hollywood Special FX's for goodness sakes! Scroll down a bit and have a look at the photos, Santa has never felt more at home.

Sadly however, the reality is never as wonderful as the marketing. Lapland New Forest didn't survive because it was rubbish. The photos on the website are lovely, but here is the reality:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/08/uk_lapland_new_forest/html/1.stm

I really like 2 things about these photos. The first one, the nativity scene. Compare that with the photo on the official webpage. Perhaps it does look lovely at night, from a distance, if you've got a torch, when you're both drunk and stoned. And the seventh photo. Note the scarily realistic yet obviously plastic polar bear in the background. Is it just me, or does the bear itself look like it has just finished urinating?

Very sad to hear that the place had shut. I will never get the chance to take any wide eyed young children there to spoil their Christmas dreams forever. Oh well, at least there's still pissweak marine world.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ji_DQEmtAEc